Parenting: Aren't we all kinda blagging our way through it?

I was innocently doing that thing on Instagram, you know where you look on someone's profile & they've tagged someone so you look on that tagged person's profile & so on until you suddenly look at the time & you've been in this Instagram Rabbit Warren for almost 30mins (I'm massively scaling down the actual time, just so that you don't think that I'm a terrible mother!)

Anyway, I was in said rabbit warren when I happened upon a post that said "Why Gina Ford has a lot to answer for..." Naturally, I clicked onto the link to look at the comments. Nothing unexpected in the comments apart from this one that made me viscerally react.

"Awful book, has sent so many mums over the edge & has broken so many babies. *shudder* what happens to those babies, what sort of adults do they become in the world?"

Gina Ford is a childcare specialist and maternity nurse turned best selling author of the "Contented Little Baby" series and upon hearing her name I know for a fact that you will have experienced a somewhat Pavlovian reaction to it. Either

"Oh my goodness. I love Gina, she was my lifesaver"

or

"I HATE Gina Ford, what an awful woman, she hasn't even got her own kids*"

There is no halfway with Gina Ford - your copy of CLB is either dog eared, highlighted, underlined & covered in baby sick OR you/your partner literally threw the book out or had it burned!

(*this argument makes NO sense to me. SuperNanny Jo Frost also doesn't have her own children but that doesn't disqualify her from giving advice that is proven to work! Many nurses, midwives, doctors and teachers don't have children... So what? Do we discount their advice & opinions due to their womb status?)

You may be asking what it is that's so polarising about this woman's methods?

Allow me to fill you in.

Gina Ford's CLB doesn't allow for ANY wriggle room. NONE. It is not a book that suggests anything, she TELLS you what to do & at exactly what time to do it. Even down to what time to eat & get yourself a glass of water!

The CLB routine advises new parents to break down their day into five minute slots, or there abouts, to settle their newborns into a routine as soon as possible.

Ford's tone reminds one of being scolded in the headmistress' office, at times you are left feeling rather bereft & patronised to. The routine is extremely hard work. Sleep training; making your baby wait just that bit longer for milk; ensuring you have blackout blinds with you for every nap. It is a painful & laborious process - but for us, (whispers & ducks behind the wall) it was the one that worked.

As a couple who were surprised/blessed/overwhelmed/horrified by (delete as you see fit!) twins as our firstborn I was desperate for someone to just tell me what to do & when. That's what GF does. (Sidebar: Gina & my friend Becca were my saviours. Gina told me exactly what to do when & Becca came round when the twins were just over a week old & showed me how to SWADDLE! Ahhhh glorious swaddling)

As other mums talk, the few of us that have loved Gina find ourselves either just not talking about it at all or whispering her name in a barely audible fashion. Now, I'm not gonna use this as a platform to say whether all babies can be moulded into the Gina way or is it only certain types of babies that respond to it? Every baby & every family is different, so who knows? But THIS IS WHAT I DO KNOW... (2 posts in & i'm beginning to think that's what I should've called my blog page)

Being a parent is challenge enough without having to justify why something works or doesn't work or us. Does it really matter what method we used to get through those first, crazy days & months? We may look like we've got it all under control but I can guarantee that it's a definite case of a swans. Graceful on top & crazily paddling to stay afloat underneath the surface.

Unfortunately no one is giving out medals for the fact that you had a long & painful labour that lasted for days or you had your first baby from start to finish in 3 hours flat (you know who you are, Stanton - you jammy whatsit!) Maybe you didn't use any pain relief & you pushed your baby out, perhaps you had a home delivery, or your precious cargo was delivered through the sunroof with a team of 20 medical professionals around you ... (not a literal sunroof!!!!) Still no certificate of recognition for effort? Whether you breastfed for 2 years, or you combination fed, solely bottle fed, or you breastfed for the first 3 days & then switched to the bottle? Did you get your prize yet? NO! Because however your baby arrived & whatever you have done with that child subsequently THERE ARE NO MEDALS, CERTIFICATES or PRIZES. So, you do you boo! There are no bragging rights (and dare I say... perhaps we only offer our opinions when they are asked for?!)

From Gina Ford to Attachment Parenting & everything method in between, these are polarising subjects indeed. We are, understandably, hugely defensive about our child birthing/feeding/reaFrom Gina Ford to Attachment Parentingring methods.

In conclusion - As long as our children who we are so incredibly blessed to have, grow up in loving, safe & secure households then how you do it doesn't matter. Let's release ourselves from the (often self inflicted) pressure of "Perfect Parenting" and do what we have to do to ensure that us & our babies are happy & healthy.

Please let's not be in competition with one another but let's cheer one another on in this often isolating, crazy and somewhat scary world of parenting!

You are ALL doing a brilliant job. And after all... aren't we all kinda blagging our way through it?

(My response to THAT Instagram comment went like this:

"Oh dear... I LOVED Gina. I'm well aware that I'm a lone voice & it's something that I very rarely reveal in public for fear of being stoned. But she helped me get my twins into a solid routine. And post hence I, and more importantly, my 3 children remain fully functioning, well adjusted, rambunctious, undamaged beautiful & kind human beings"

Fortunately, I didn't get a response because believe me, I was spoiling for a fight!)

#parenting #children #GinaFord #BabyWhisperer #attachmentparenting #advice